Dating Life: How To Find “The One”
Dating and finding “The One” can be a real challenge for many of us. It seriously feels like there are less desirable men as time goes on. You sign up for all kinds of dating apps hoping to find this amazing man that is meant to be your partner for life. You go on tons of dates and nothing really sticks. You either don’t have any chemistry with these men or, they seem to be playing hide and seek with you.
Not long ago, I was there. I was a single girl in my late 20s, 28 to be exactly and I was trying to navigate dating life in a big city. You think because there are so many people living in a big city that it would be easier, but it doesn’t feel that way when you are single and trying to meet someone.
Felt Disappointed
I would go on these dates and feel so disappointed afterwards. I actually thought at one point that I was destined to be single and alone for the rest of my life living in an apartment with 3 cats. There is really nothing wrong with that life except, I didn’t want to be alone taking care of cats. I wanted a life partner whom I could share a life with and maybe potentially have children. Finding “The One” seriously felt like finding the needle in the haystack.
Made A Plan
Finally, I decided to tackle this problem like any goal I’ve had in life—with a plan. I know it doesn’t sound romantic at all but it worked for me and it will work for you too. I met my partner more than 3 years ago and for the first time, I feel like I’m with the right person. He has taught me so much about love and I’m grateful to have found this amazing and loving man.
So how did I do it? what is this plan I created to finding the one? Don’t you worry, I explain everything I did so you can go out there and find “The One” for you.
Dating Plan- How To Find The One:
Be The One
First and foremost before you go out there looking for Mr. Right, you have to be the right person for him. See Mr. Right is also looking for someone special who has taken the time to work on herself first. One really helpful exercise that I did was to write down all the qualities I wanted in him and then go through the list a second time and check-off the qualities that I had.
This will also give you a perspective of where you are in life. It may be that you need to do some work on yourself first and that’s good because now you have a plan. I know many women complain and sometimes men too that they keep dating losers and they don’t know why….well, here is why! You are attracting them. You haven’t taken the time to work on yourself so how do you expect to find the right person if you are haven’t done the work yet.
Start Dating – Get Out And Be Intentional
Once I was happy with who I was as a person overall and had worked on myself, I decided it was time to get a hobby and learn a new skill. I also wanted a hobby that could potentially be a place to meet people. I was open to meeting new friends and maybe Mr. Right. So, I signed up for salsa lessons and without knowing it, this was the perfect set up. You get to dance with the opposite sex and you go around the circle meeting people. It’s social, fun and with no agenda in place, everyone is so relaxed and happy to chat.
I know many people say, “he will come in time, don’t worry about it”. Well, yes but when? If you are a hermit and never go out, he is not going to come knocking on your door. You have to be intentional and seek him out. I’m not saying go clubbing or, to a bar and pick up guys unless that’s your thing and that’s the type of guy you want. If you are looking for a life partner that’s probably not the place. So where do you go? Well, that depends on who this man is…start thinking of where he would hang out. Once you find the places, become a regular there and you will see how easy it is to meet people.
Remember, you can’t go to one place, one time and expect to meet Mr. Right, it doesn’t work that way.
Take The Pressure Off Dating
When I started dating, I would go home so disappointed after every date. I was no closer to finding my partner and I didn’t enjoy the dates at all. See, I was going to these dates with an agenda—to find “The One” and if the person in front of me didn’t resemble Mr. Right, I wasn’t interested. This is such a wrong way to look at dating because you will come home feeling miserable, like I did.
I realized this was not serving me or getting me any closer to my goal of finding him. So I decided to go on dates and have fun regardless if the person in front of me was Mr. Right or, not. I made a commitment to laugh and enjoy the company of these wonderful men with no agenda in place. This made dating so much more enjoyable and I felt free to be myself.
This shift in mindset freed me up to finally just be me and guess what? My dates noticed and they became free to be themselves too and it just made everything so much more lay back and it felt more like we were friends going out for coffee.
Take Away
Now you know how to find the one and it starts with you being the Right woman for the Right man. You won’t go far if you haven’t done the work on yourself first. This will take time, love and compassion for yourself, but it’s a must if you want to have a fulfilling life with someone else.
Once you have done this work, go out and be intentional, Mr. Right won’t be knocking on your door any time soon if you never leave the house.
Last but definitely not least, HAVE FUN! That’s what dating is all about so don’t put so much pressure on yourself and enjoy this stage of your life. Soon you will be married with 3 children and you will look back on this time of your life and realized how much fun it was to be a single girl in a big city—Just like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex & The City.
I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment below and let me know if any of this resonated with you. What did you take away from this article and if there is anything you would want me to go more in depth with to help you find “The One For You.”